* This blog is dedicated to the bich (oh yes, I KNOW I spelled it wrong!), moderators at TWOP. Without Strenga et AL, I'd be happily posting-away along with the best of them. Unfortunately, TWOP is a little too heavy-handed, high-falootin' and downright unfriendly.
*(added 2011)-Amended to mean Strega's Real Housewives forum(s) and of course those Bravo Blogs that eat your comments w/o posting them. I still visit TWOP for the best snark.

*(Added April 30th, it has come to my attention that some of the rumors posted on this blog are definitely FALSE. Most rumors are clearly labeled as such, but in case I missed any, please keep that in mind)

Thursday, May 20, 2010


I wimped-out last week and didn't do the play-by-play. Tonight, I'm ready.
Some of the most memorable lines of all-season were on last week's show, my personal favorite, "Adios lunatic!"-(BETHENNY)
There were so many, "Nobody cares about you."-(KELLY to BETHENNY) (one of many WTF??? from KELLY), and that was only the first part of the trip.
After the show aired last Thursday, KELLY melted-down publicly on TWITTER, her FACEBOOK, and people are even nominating KELLY as the mysterious J. SAMPLES, who becoming almost as notorious as TWEETMAXINE for her/ or his nonsense postings mostly on AMAZON.COM. in the on-going "Aren't you Glad They're Not Your Mothers?"-or whatever, book review discussion/comment-spam thread.

"I really had the best time last night"-(RAMONA)"Did she call you a Ho-Bag?"-(BETHENNY)
"She's a hired chef, she's renown..."-(KELLY), "She's not a chef."-(KELLY)
"Stop the f#@# bullshit."-(BETHENNY to KELLY)
KELLY makes fun of BETHENNY with body-language, and mimics BETHENNY when ALEX asks BETHENNY a ? about adding cocoa to something.
OK, RAMONA who is over 50, is looking really HOT in her bikini. WHAT kind-of hormones is she taking? Seriously, if she writes a menopause book, she could do well with that.
SONJA educates us a little about Mediterainian arcitechure. Nice!
BETHENNY delivers her gift-totes.
KELLY startles when she opens her door and sees her's.
"What IS THIS??? It's HORRIFYING! OMG-How COULD SHE????" -(ok, she didn't say that exactly.)
She says something about "BETHENNY-centric products"-yeah, really scary KELLY.(me)
KELLY calls JILL. "Her DAD Fricken' DIED, and she's on this trip?" -(KELLY)
"She tries to literally, like, claw your eyes-out." -(KELLY)
"She's not making any sense to me, and I like her, I don't want anything bee-yad to happen to her."-(JILL) narrarating.
RAMONA like her oatmeal, but its a little too salty.
KELLY has a complaint memo-pad, she asks people to write their complaints on it.
"I don't wanna be with Kook-a-doodle-do, I just wanna relax." -BETHENNY narrarating.
"She might have a complaint with me, she told me last night that I was channeling the devil."-(ALEX)
"How do you do that?"(BETHENNY)
KELLY is taking the ladies on a photo-shoot. BETHENNY didn't want to come.(see above).
Does KELLY have herpes? Something looks weird about her mouth to me.
RAMONA compliments KELLY in narration.
KELLY is directing ALEX. It looks like ALEX forgot to put her teeth in?
KELLY comments that she was getting some kind-of vibe from ALEX. KELLY is telling ALEX to "Think of Johan and make a baby-face.", while she poses.
The BRAVO TALK BUBBLE just popped-up.
(they have been paying prizes for TWEETS in that thing btw, but it doesn't work for me very well).
Maybe that's how they get #realhousewives to be a trending-topic?
A TWEET about how great RAMONA looks in her bikini.
One that says they don't understand how BETHENNY is engaged, and pregnant, and how & when that happened, and one about JILL.Why isn't JILL skating at ROCKEFELLER CENTER? that would make a lot more sense-wouldn't it, since BRAVO offices are at 30 ROCKEFELLER PLAZA. Has JILL already been banned from there? I really am wondering about this one since in that other episode she made such a point out-of choosing Wolmann rink for her family skating party, and claimed that she chose it because she's friends with TRUMP.
Anyhow, JILL says that she does not have permission to be on the ice. There is a coach there who yells at her. JILL says, "He's right."  That was odd-such a short segment and cut back to commercials.
LUANN & JILL are having lunch at GEISHA. LUANN says some things that make it sound like she doesn't go on the trip because she does not want to celebrate RAMONA & MARIO'S 17 years of marriage.
LUANN has a ROCK on her neck. I don't mean a diamond, or gem, a R-O-C-K.
"BOBBY told me with BETHENNY that I made a mistake. He said that I shouldn't have just cut her off, I should have just backed-off."-(JILL)
LUANN tells JILL not to go to the trip.
KELLY is chatting on her blackberry. RAMONA asks her to stop please. KELLY gets pissed and leaves.
KELLY comes back & says it was about her children, she calls the HOUSEWIVES "high-maintenance."
KELLY has something to say about the seating at the dinner table.She whispers that BETHENNY is "psychotic", and asks for support from the group. BETHENNY comes to the table, in a mini-dress, and she looks gorgeous, uh-oh.
SONJA has RAMONA'S jewlery on-(there's a link on the side of this page to RAMONA'S jewlery collection.)
BETHENNY is serving dinner, she cooked, or "chefffed'-it. KELLY sends her steak back!
Everyone compliments the dinner. FIVE STARS!*****
"Am I not allowed to like the food?" -SONJA to KELLY
"JILL keeps asking me if BETHENNY is well."-(KELLY)
"KELLY was just trying to dominate the conversation. She wouldn't allow anyone else to talk."-(RAMONA)
RAMONA says something about how KELLY has bad conversational ettiquite.
KELLY looks drunk at this point.
BETHENNY & RAMONA leave. They can't take it any more.
"Oh my God, this is free-to-be-you-and-me-1979"-(KELLY)
KELLY will not shut-up. She will not stop talking. She says that BETHENNY has "Tried to kill me before."
"The night of RAMONA'S TRUE RENEWEL party...out of the frickn' blue, ...ALEX ....bla,bla,bla..."
Everyone leaves SONJA with KELLY again. SONJA complains about it.
"You just told ALEX she was Kabookie make-up." "You are like gettin' wierd."
BETHENNY is acting-out what KELLY is doing, "This is the best dinner party I've ever had because the lunatic is out."
KELLY starts screaming, "AL SHARPTON, AL SHARPTON.", at BETHENNY, "I am a woman and I have a perogative."
"...you attacked My friend Gwenth"-KELLY, (Paltrow)
OK they all tell KELLY that something is wrong with her.
"Your dad passed-away and you're here? It's creepy.", "I feel like you're trying to kill me every night.."
They all asks what's wrong with that, and say its normal to go on a trip when someone passes away.
"No-don't be mean to her"(-SONJA)
ALEX has been quiet this entire time. She looks scared and sad.
SONJA "You think she's going to kill you, and you think she's a vampire?"-(SONJA)
BETHENNY narrarates, "A light-bulb went-off and we changed. They all chill-out.
KELLY calmed-down after eating some jelly beans. Maybe she has a metabolic disorder?

WHAT! this is a THREE-PARTER???? The previews look great. JILL shows-up NEXT week.

SJP & ANDY are eating fried-chicken. PARKER, looks great, but for some reason she looks-like SUZANNE SOMMERS, they agree the episode was upsetting.
Now I have to say something personal.
Am I a Transvestite if the idea of wearing HIGH-HEELS does not appeal to me at all?
I'm really starting to wonder about this.
I know that SJP is big on shoes, so she's always going to be stylin' with that, but I've seen real live people, women, in public trying to wear these things, and posters in the window at PAYLESS, and even-though I won't wear these shoes for safety reasons, is there something tranvestual or butch about myself for not liking these ugly things? The shoes that I keep seeing with little "collars" around the ankles in particular. Am I supposed to like these? Because I just DON'T and they can't make me! (please dear GOD just make these things go away, they make my old ankle-injury hurt just thinking about them).